ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just gargled with NyQuil
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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