the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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