I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You just made me feel so damn special
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
