its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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