walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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