He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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