I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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