well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
