So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
