just come out here and I will go home with you...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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