Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
