just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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