I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
