ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It all started with a game of naked twister.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
