sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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