So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
