is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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