...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
