Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
