Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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