i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
