Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
