I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
