I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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