I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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