i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize