I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
