He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
