That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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