Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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