My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
