Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
