fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
