Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
