just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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