You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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