peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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