Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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