I have demons in me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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