Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
