Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
