My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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