I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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