all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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