she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
