It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
