I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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