Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
