I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
