dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
