Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize