You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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