the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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