if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
