Got a toothbrush?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I got inside last night via doggy door
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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