The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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