Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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