I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
