Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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