And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
