i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
