You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize