Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
