he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My balls are so social today.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
