my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize