I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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