You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
