Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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