you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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