I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
