just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm passing your future prison.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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