so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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