so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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