life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
