She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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