This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
