Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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